Some random thoughts about Syria, my upcoming trip to the Middle East and the goodness of God. Click the link below to watch.
living as the beloved…
"For you have received the Spirit of sonship…."
consecration….
It’s been months now, but Papa God has been speaking to me about consecration. It’s a subject I love. Consecration is an idea that warms my heart. When life feels like a cold winter’s day in my heart, the subject of consecration is like a cozy fireplace, a soft blanket and a hot cup of cocoa. Consecration reminds, that while I have no control of the outside environment, I have the power to manage and guard my heart. O what a feeling of strength and acceptance!
It is the Father’s good pleasure to invite us, to woo us, into a heart that longs for consecration. The word “consecrate” is “to make holy.” It comes from two root words that mean “together” and “to make holy” or “dedicated.” Upon further study it goes deeper to highlight “bind, restrict, enclose or protect.” In this season I have been seeking understanding about living the consecrated life. God told Joshua and the Israelite community to consecrate themselves, or set themselves apart, because they were going to cross the Jordan river and inherit the Promised Land. You and I are not too different. There are promises, dreams and aspirations that God has for us. However, the character required to fulfill them and the strength necessary to attain them is formed in the place of consecration. I want Holy Spirit to show us how to be fruitful.
Fruitfulness, I believe, is possible when we take a deeper look at the 4 origin meanings.
a. “bind” – at first impression this words implies being tethered to something. I feel like I have just been put in a box that is smaller than my dreams. The word “bind” is not a word that inspires big dreaming or big thinking. It feels like a small word with a strong negative connotation. Instead of thinking this way though, let’s turn the jewel and look at it through a different light. What “bind” implies is that we are eternally inseparable from the love of God. To be bound is to choose to serve God and serve humanity even though we’ve been made free to serve whatever we want. To be bound is to make a choice to serve God, the Lover of my soul, and serve him only even though I am free to choose other lovers.
b. “restrict” – as an American, this words flies in the face of our independence and free spirited living. However, if we turn the jewel another time we will find indescribable beauty. When God restricts me, it is not to keep me from something, but it is to compel me with his love to say ‘yes’ to something so that saying ‘no’ is easy. ”Restrict” is to have a heart living with happy holiness. To restrict is to respond in love and choose the best things instead of good things. Good is the enemy of best. When I feel God talking to me about what he is restricting, it’s not him showing me what I can’t have, but it’s him showing me what’s missing. The first feels like “hands off”, while the latter feels invitational.
c. “enclose” – It is to be lost. It is to explore. When I am ‘enclosed’ I am taking an adventure into the heights, depths, breadth and width of the love of God. I am enclosed in love which damages fear and establishes seurity and confidence in my heart.
d. “protect” – You and I have no reason to worry. After all, worry is faith. It’s just faith in the wrong things. We can trust His strength and His ability to protect, our relationship and our investment.
When you and I commit to live a consecrated life, we are committing ourselves to explore what it means to say yes to the love of God in such a way that serve him alone, choose the best, explore his heart and trust his abiility to protect.
Twins….
I was talking with a friend the other day who is a strong & competent leader. As we were chatting we laughed about the insecurity that often plagues people. In our 20′s we attempt to overcome insecurity through education. Maybe, just maybe, if I get smarter and know more “stuff” then I won’t feel insecure. Education is certainly needed and most appropriate, however, I have never known a “good education” to overcome insecurity. If anything, the awakened intellect and the widened horizons of understanding reinforce insecurity. I know that there are things I don’t know and after a few years of academia I am most certain that there are things I don’t know.
So we move past our 20′s and now let’s move into our 30′s. You start to settle down. Maybe you are married. Maybe you have kids. You are probably into the early stages of your career. For myself, as a husband of nearly 20 years and a father of 3, I am in touch with my insufficiencies and my faults. There are days when the reality of the 3 lives dependent on me, cause me to feel insecure about our choices, our financial stewardship, etc. I was confronted with raising teenagers. While being a youth pastor for years can help, the truth is, every Wednesday I sent kids home to their parents. In my 30′s…they came home with me. Two of them.
Now I have moved out of my 30′s and into my early 40′s. The ambition that existed in my heart as a young “twentysomeone” has not waned. The insecurity of my 20′s and 30′s did not diminish my desire to live and love effectively. If the truth be told, ambition has not left, but it’s twin cousin, Insecurity, has moved in and joined the family.
I have to come a place in my life where I do not think of insecurity as evil. Insecurity is common and natural. It’s the fruit of a human soul living in a broken and fallen world. Adam and Eve felt secure in the Garden of Eden, in their nakedness, until that moment when they no longer managed their freedom with responsibility. They ate the forbidden fruit and thus introduced sin, disobedience, death and insecurity to humanity. So, I don’t believe insecurity is bad, it’s what you do with the insecurity that is troublesome.
Here’s what I did. I attempted to cover my insecurity like Adam and Eve. On that day in the Garden of Eden the scriptures tell us that the two of them discovered their nakedness and covered themselves. The human story hasn’t changed much. It may involve different characters, but the plot remains the same. I have tried covering my insecurity with bravado, isolation, ignorance, a quest for knowledge, arrogance, weakness, passing the buck and countless other ways. As a 41 year old man, child of God, husband, father, leader and friend I no longer try to cover my insecurity, instead I admit it openly before God and my peers. Then, I allow God to do for me what he did for Adam and Eve. He covers me. I am not sure he covers my insecurity, as much as he covers me with an identity from His heart that transforms how I think about myself and others. I believe He covers me with His grace, his enabling power to do extraordinary things and live the supernatural life. I believe He covers me with His kindness, which always leads me to a better way of thinking. I believe He covers me with His values and His priorities. I believe He covers me with a renewed relationship with Holy Spirit.
I believe ambition’s twin brother is insecurity. Like the movie, The Man with the Iron Mask, you can not hide this evil brother in a prison somewhere. What you can do however, is with a humble and surrendered heart come to God. Let Him cover you with his love and then live your life as a person being transformed and changed by the love of God and his belief that you are worth putting on display before the world.
LIFE > BUSYNESS
This should be true:
LIFE > BUSYNESS.
What I think is too often true:
BUSYNESS > LIFE.
Which is true for you? I hope it’s the first one. My heart wants it to the first one, but in reality, many days, it’s the second one. I lose sight of the little things that bring so much pleasure. I don’t hear the laughter of my 5 year old playing with his cars and trains. I would rather rush through the Kindergarten homework and watch tv, instead of valuing the awe inspiring development of his brain. I would rather him write his “G’s” better and faster instead of stopping, looking at his eyes, watching his little hands and recognizing something Divine is happening. The “divine happening” is his development and his putting in place the building blocks that will position him to be successful. The building blocks are more than writing a “G” correctly, but the building blocks are those of self confidence, effort, faith in one’s self, partnership with others, taking risk in a loving environment, learning and valuing education. Those kind of building blocks will serve my son for many, many years.
Life is full of grace filled & joy saturated moments. Am I too busy to see them or hear them? Am I too busy with my preconceived idea of how something should be or ought to be? Am I so blind I can’t see what is and will be? We all have our agendas, list of priorities and things to get done. And I would guess those lists are important. They also serve as blinders to the small and priceless treasures scattered throughout our day. Another treasure I sometimes overlook [because I'm driven by a schedule] is the need my daughter and son have for a “morning hug” from their dad. They have a need to be nurtured, loved, cared for and experience the feeling of connection and safety. Busyness – it’s a dust storm of urgency covering up the treasures scattered through our minutes, hours, days and weeks.
This is not a new problem. It’s not a small problem. It’s a humanity problem and happens to various degrees and levels. Take for example John 1:14, “The Word [Jesus] became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” We need grace & truth. Sometimes it feels as if it comes from God directly. At other times Jesus’ grace & truth looks like, sounds like and acts like our spouse or loved ones. What I know is this, as I read John 1:1-14 Jesus is life. Everthing comes from him. His life is compared to light and when it entered the world darkness did not understand it (v. 5). Not noly that darkness did not overcome it (v.5). Darkness is another word for understanding. Thirdly, darkness did not recognize it (v.10). That sounds like my life and the treasures I often overlook. I don’t understand them, I am overcome by them or I do not recognize them. As such, I miss the moments in my day when Jesus is seeking to show me his glory, a glory described as “full of grace and truth.”
Friends, the old saying is, “Stop and smell the roses.” Don’t let busyness corrupt your ability to see the handiwork of God done to us, for us and through us. There is great pleasure and spiritual nutrition when we slow down and experience God. Ask Him to help you recognize him in every situation. Ask God to help you overcome what ails you by his power and love. Ask God help you understand what is happening in every circumstance. There’s no telling what might happen. While you are trying to write your “G’s” God is putting in your life a building block necessary for your sucess and prosperity.
Until next time….
Regret in the Rear View Mirror [4]
The alarm is sounding. That annoying buzz is not waking you, but confirming you have been awake already for an hour. Why are you up so early? What gives cause to the “earlier than normal rise out of bed awake” moment? Because today is the day you have been waiting for. For the last 6 months you have been focused on finishing the big project at work. Several months ago your boss asked you to lead a team of your peers and develop a plan to accomplish a better bottom line for your department. You have done it. The presentation is ready. The handouts are done. Things look clean and crisp reminding yourself of the new white on white striped shirt you will wear today. This special occassion calls for me to look my best and be my best.
As you arrive at the office the conference room is abuzz with excitement and anticipation. You know more is on the line than just completing the project. You have heard through the rumor mill that if this project goes over well and is accpeted their is a promotion waiting for you. Promotion! Yeah, a big promotion, and it’s what you have been waiting for. This is the break you have longed for.
The presentation goes flawlessly. You say to yourself, “My energy was good. My presentation was clear. The facts were strong. Our team did well. I answered their questions succinctly, with clarity and with confidence.” The meeting is over and as you walk back to your office you are congratulated with high five’s, pats on the back and verbal ‘atta boys!’
You get to your computer and have already received several emails complimenting you on your quality leadership, the soundness of your presentation and the bold initiatives you proposed. A weight has been lifted. The elephant of responsiblility you have been carrying is gone. You seem lighter; it’s as if you could jump and reach the moon. You feel so good about this project. Musing to yourself, “I need to call my wife and tell her I am making dinner reservations. We are going to celebrate. Wait…am I being premature about the success of the project and the undisclosed promotion? Nah, this is in the bag!” Just as you start to call your wife your boss knocks on the door. ”Congratulations Clint! That was an excellent presentation. Very well done. May I come in for a moment?”
Your heart starts beating faster. It’s pounding in your chest so forcefully you are self conscious and wondering if he can see your heart beating. Thinking to yourself, “Stay calm. Stay cool. Act like you belong here. You deserve this. This is your moment to shine.”
Your boss, is a gentle and fair man. You anticipate any moment the big announcement. He starts, “Clint, the department heads and myself were very excited about your presentation. You laid out some bold intiatives that will help this company and help us achieve our year end goals. Your team spoke well of your leadership and how you empowered those around you. We are really excited to have you as part of this team. I’m sure you are aware that a recent promotion came available and we strongly considered you for the job. Your presentation today was robust and a case for why you are ready to lead a bigger team. However, the department heads think we should hire someone from another division who has more experience and a proven track record of success. I hope you are not too upset. Stay engaged with us Clint. Your time is coming.”
The dreaded moment we all hate. The “however” moment that leads us to a place of promise and fulfillment but while on the brink of accomplishment and satisfaction life takes a hard left turn and you run straight into the wall of regret.
Why get all of your hopes up? Why invest so much with so little promise of return? Why set yourself up for disappointment and discouragement? Because the alternative is unimaginable. We can’t live without hope. We need hope to live. God is a God of hope according to Romans 15:13. He fills us with peace and joy so that we overflow with hope. If you and I are pierced by the sharp and unseen arrows of regret or pain then we need the healing that hope offers. Hope is needed most when we are hopeless.
God is a God who gives a future and a hope. He is a God who thinks of us and his thoughts are peaceful. Previously I wrote regarding these truths. They are weapons for us to use as we defeat the power and stronghold of regret. Finally, I want to unfold truth #4, His Giving must be Received. Receiving a future, a hope and a new way of thinking is essential. The danger, however, is that we create a transactional relationship with God. I give him my pain and he gives me healing. As long as life is good no transaction is needed. Transactional relationships are the natural product of independence and living outside of covenantal relationships. In communion with Jesus, we are called to live with a bright outlook for the future and with peaceful thinking. It’s impossible for us to see the possibility of what lies ahead by looking behind us. The haunting voices of past mistakes and regret are being displaced by the sounds of hope and a future ripe with life. Receive what God gives you as a beloved son receives from his father. It’s not because you have to or because you should, but because you are loved. The inability to receive is the byproduct of an orphan heart. Orphans, left without care and nuture, are wildly independent. When regret happens it’s difficult to receive the healing power of Jesus because of all their lives they have taken care of themselves. Overcome regreat by becoming a great receiver of all that God has for you. In humililty say Thank You!
Until next time…
Regret in the Rear View Mirror [3]
One of regret’s strengths is it’s ability to grab our attention and cause us to focus on “what was not” and lose sight of “what can be.” I am not celebrating regret, but making us aware of it’s schemes and tactics. In the previous two posts we highlighted that a promise of God, greater than regret and a stone in our faith sling is Jeremiah 29:11 [1], “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Two truths we have unfolded about this promise is God is present future and He has a future for us. AW Tozer once penned, “We must meet the uncertainties of this world with the certainty of the world to come.” A certainty of the world to come, from which we draw strength and wisdom, is that God has a future for you.
His future and hope are part of his nature. He is hope. He is in our future. These two facets of His nature are partners with unfolding truth #3, God’s thinking is full of peace. God’s thoughts, His thinking, is full of peace. It is full of prosperity, richness, health, life and wholeness. I believe that God thinks of our future with confidence, goodness and expectation because the architect of his perspective is his peaceful way of thinking. He is Jehovah Shalom. He is peace. It’s not something He has, it’s who He is. God has no regret and for those of us who are followers of Jesus, we don’t have to live with regret. A key to overcoming, is to think the way God thinks. Galatians 4:19 [2] is a snapshot of the Apostle Paul’s heart and his intense longing to see Jesus formed in the heart of the Christ followers in Galatia. A facet of the Holy Spirit’s assignment is to build us, from the inside out, into the image of Jesus. This is important because Hebrews 1:3 [2] tells us Jesus is an exact representation of the Father. Jesus says, “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father” John 14:9[2]. I laid a foundation that if the Father’s thoughts are peaceful, then Jesus thoughts are peaceful. And if Jesus’ thoughts are peaceful, then our thoughts can be peaceful. Our overcoming of regret is dependent upon having a thought life influenced and designed by peace. We need to think peaceful thoughts.
Peaceful thinking is not thinking that isn’t absent of conflict or confusion, but is thinking that is full of God’s righteousness and focused upon His nature. Peaceful thinking is not when we empty our minds, but instead when we fill our minds with the thoughts of Jesus. Regreat stirs our soul, and churns upon the riverbed of loss, pain and sorrow. Peaeful thinking strains the muck and mire of disappointment out of our lives and therefore we think pure thoughts. Pure in respect to moral authority, spiritual authority and relational authority. In Matthew 5 [2] Jesus teaches us that peacemakers are happy people, and peacemakers think and lead with peaceful thoughts. Philippians 4 [2] also reveals the power of peace and it’s unrelenting ability to guard our hearts and minds. Thoughts shape the environment you live in. Spend time in prayer, meditation, praise and thanksgiving and you will experience your mind being renewed. You too will overcome regret because your thinking is full of peace, just like Papa God’s.
Until next time.
[1] – Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson,
Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
[2] – THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Regret in the Rear View Mirror [2]
Yesterday I wrote the first of several posts about overcoming regret. It’s my intention to encourage you, the reader, to know that overcoming regret is not the product of a powerful intellect, memory loss or coping mechanisms, but a result of encountering God and pursuing his promises for your life.
Regret is defined as ”to think of with a sense of loss” [3]. It’s an appalling word to people living with hope and destiny. We have seen the highway of life littered with regret, failures and disappointments. We see too clearly the missed opportunities or those glorious moments gone awry. However, there is a promise given to us by God that trumps regret and disappointment. It’s found in Jeremiah 29:11 [1]. God states, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Recently I have been feeling regret. The sense of loss is alluring. No, not because it’s beautiful, but because it gives us a just cause to feel bad for ourselves. Our sould is temporarly satisfied by feeling sorry for ourselves. Before long we are stuck in the mud and mire of self pity and defeat. We seek to comfort or console ourselves rather than rest in the deep caverns of God’s comfort and promise. In my last post I began to unfold how we put regret in the rear view mirror of living and focus on the bright and brilliant future ahead of us. In summary, God is present-future. He has dealt with past failures. Past victories are not the place of our dwelling either, but instead they forecast what is possible. When it comes to past successes let’s remember them and believe for better days. When it comes to past failures let’s see God’s redeeming power and grace. In Paul’s letter to Colossee he writes, “Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation” [2]. Regret is only powerful if you and I look at it and give it credibility.
The second truth I want to unfold is God has a future for us. I know, I can hear the collective “duh.” But think about it for just a moment. How many times do we live under the tyranny of the urgent and lose sight of what God is doing in us today is directly connected to who He wants us to become. AW Tozer wrote, “We must meet the uncertainties of this world with the certainty of the world to come.” If you believe Mr. Tozer then you and I must live aware that there is a future for us and in it lies a certainty, reflecting the steadfast goodness of our King. What you believe about the end will influence the decisions you make today. God has a future for you.
As I began to contemplate this I thought of my 90 year old grandparents. Of course, most of their life is behind them, but there is still life in front of them and as long as they are taking a breath there is a future and a hope for them. This is equally true for us. We can’t afford to live without Vitamin F (a future) and Vitamin H (hope). Jesus taught us that part of our spiritual nutrition is to “do the will of him who sent me” [2]. To do his will requires communion and intimacy with him. You must know his ways and fulfill his acts. It’s hard to that when regret sits as governor of your hope and faith. So beloved, shake off regret. Spend a few moments and ask God to give you a snapshot of his preferred future for you. Let it encourage you and inject life into your day. Do not meditate upon the “should have beens” or “could have beens” instead declare “what will be” and “what can be!”
Until next time.
[1] – Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson,
Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
[2] – THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
[3] - Dictionary.com, LLC. Copyright © 2011. All rights reserved.
Regret in the Rear View Mirror
Regret: to think of with a sense of loss. Regret is often an ugly word to those who want to live with hope, purpose and passion. The highway of life is littered with regret. As we go forward building families, working our careers, stewarding life giving relationships, etc we see littered across our path the disgarded dreams and aspirations of others. The litter may not be ours, but the litter of regret speaks to us. It taunts us and before long we can be more focused on regret than we are promises. I feel this way sometimes. I have tasted the bitter herb of disappointment and loss. Believe me, it’s very bitter. It’s a taste that lingers, but only until I choose to stop and taste the goodness of God and his plan for my life. Sometimes that goodness comes through prayer, contemplation, surrender or praise. Othertimes it comes to be through my kids, wife, friends, a book, a good movie, etc.
I am not old by any stretch of the imagination. I have a great deal of living to do and I plan to do it, but I recognize moments in my life where regret is more in my windshield than in my rear view mirror. This was most evident a few days ago, while in the middle of a pity party God began to speak to me about Jeremiah 29:11 [1]. I love this verse, but I often think of it in regards to something you see framed on a person’s wall. It’s a verse that makes for great art. My perspective minimized the power of this promise. God interuptted my pity party and began to show me gifts worth celebrating. This verse states, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” I meditated upon this promise and I want to share a few of the gifts in several entries:
#1. God is present future. He has dealt with past failure and past successes are not my dwelling place, but prophetic forecasts of what is possible. God does not dwell in my past and scratch his head with respect to my failures, sins or shortcomings, but instead He sees a version of me that I am maturing into. In Paul’s letter to Colossee he writes, “Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.” What an astounding declaration of truth!! God is not bound by time, and his infinite nature he reconciled us, purchased us from the place of being his enemy and as a result he has made us holy, spot free and liberated from the accuser and his lies. Regret is only powerful if you and I look at it and give it credibility. I hope you do not hear me stating that disappointment or hurt are not real. They are as real as you and I. But the power regret has is power that you have given it. Take it back. Do not empower regret, the feeling of loss to govern your life. Take it back by believing Jeremiah 29:11 [1] and Colossians 1:21-22 [2].
Until next time….
[1] – Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson,
Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
[2] – THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Relationships Matter
Relationships matter. They are priceless treasures scattered along the journey of life. It’s important that we pick them up, care for them, clean them and steward them so that the value and beauty found with the relationship jewel enriches our lives. I’m convinced we should not only gather enrichment, but we should also cultivate an inheritance passed along to others so that generations after us receive the DNA of timeless values, but also have the freedom to determine how those values behave, what language they use to communicate them, etc. The following are some notes I typed up while giving a presentation.
Comedian Bill Cosby once said, “The truth is, that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.”
2 Types of Parents:
Those who build and those who bless. We should do both.
I assume it is in the heart of all parents that we see our sons and daughters emerge as people of integrity, honor and significant contributors to society in a healthy and life-giving way. However, even though these passions exist in our heart it is hard work to shepherd, raise, empower and release our others into the “wild.”
Therefore, let’s talk about our homes, our hearts and our children.
Condition #1: Connection – Do you have your child’s heart?
Connection is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. It’s why we are here. Certainly as a member of the clergy I believe with strong conviction that our first connection should be a relationship with God through the sacrificial life of Jesus Christ. But beyond your spiritual beliefs, you can still have a strong connection with your children. You can nurture them and love them so that they go forward and listen an amazing life.
5 sub-conditions to a quality connection:
a. Value – answers the question, “What am I willing to give up because you are worth my time and commitment? You are a priority to me.”
b. Energy – energy is about intentionally pursuing another with the goal of heart to heart connection. It’s about an awareness on how to do that. It’s often subtle hints, but they come (i.e. – playing cars to get to my son’s heart or taking my daughter to the local coffee shop for her favorite latte.) Energy also means that I will with intention and joy speak the right love languages.
c. Sacrifice – you surrender your authority to be right for the betterment of the relationship. You can’t have intimate connection if you have one foot out the door, illustrating that you are disengaging from what matters. Sacrifice says, “I will fight the battles I know my children can’t win while at the same time giving them absolute freedom to make their own choices for the quality of life they want.” We must provide soft landings so that when they fail they land more softly because of love. A friend of mine illustrated this once by sharing the story of how he taught his children to ride a bike. I don’t know about you but I learned how to ride on the paved road in front of my home.
In my many efforts and attempts I crashed, bumped, banged and walked with a number of bruises and scrapes. My buddy taught his kids to ride in the park, on the grass so that when they fail, the landing is much softer and less abrasive. Sacrifice provides that type of landing place for those we love.
d. Trust gives us the ability to be exposed emotionally and feel no shame or judgement. We must have safe environments. They are the result of a emotionally safe people managing themselves with care and dignity. Are you a safe person?
When shame, fear and danger are in the room people cover their sensitive areas which looks like privacy, misunderstanding, etc. Your children deserve a personal life, but private lives can be the result of fear.
e. Authenticity. We must talk to our children carefully and treat with charity. I do not mean that we treat them as overly fragile and therefore do EVERYTHING for them. But I am saying to in order to connect you must be really seen and to be really seen means you role model authenticity and integrity.
There are enemies of the heart to heart connection:
a. Shame – it’s a fear of disconnection. Shame says, “I AM BAD.” It declares, “I’m not ______ enough!”
b. Fear – it’s the absence of love. If fear is governing your parenting then you need more love. That is not the product of a strong will, but the product of a spiritual awakening and being touched by the divine.
Condition #2: Unconditional Love – Is my love always on?
When you insert love into any situation, you confront & you err on the side of freedom. We must learn how to manage our freedoms, not manage our lack, smallness and control.
Ask, in ALL situations, “What do you need from me?” or “I have a value for honor, love and respect. If I have made a mess I want to clean the mess I made.”
Love never gives up!
Our children need to know that nothing can separate them from our love.
The highest priority of our lives is love. We are training our children how to have loving, lasting and life-giving relationships. How to repair them and grow them, which is bigger than the adolescent situations that face us on a daily basis.
If we fail role modeling unconditional love, we teach them that a value for “stuff” or “traditions” is more important than a value for the power of connection and love. What matters is how our trust, our loyalty and our vision of their lives is influencing works through love for them. People who have strong sense of being worthy of love flourish in home environments.
Vulnerability is the core place for shame, ugliness, fear, but it’s also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging and hope. A key to demonstrating unconditional love is vulnerability. It comes from a Latin root word meaning “to wound.” When we expose our hearts to our children they can hurt us. Our children are powerful. They can wound our hopes or they can wound our fears.
So how do you parent from a vulnerable position?
a. Personally deal with your pain and disappointment (which makes the heart sick.)
b. Publicly demonstrate hope and belief.
A great illustration of this is the Stockdale Paradox. It states, “You must retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties AND at the same time you must confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”
It is not wise to numb the pain vulnerability with fear (control), comfort foods, drugs/alcohol which can lead to addictions or money which can drown us in debt.
The enemies of unconditional love are:
a. Fundamentalism which makes uncertain things become certain. There are mysteries in the world and we have to be ok with it.
b. Perfectionism which states perfect parents have to make perfect kids. Good Luck with that.
c. Pretending which disillusions us about what we do not having an affect on people.
Closing Thought:
1.Do you have your child’s heart? If so, what is working? If not, why not?
2.Is your love on for your child or is your heart being governed by disappointment, hopelessness, etc?
Something good from Lubbock…
A friend of mine sent this link to me. It’s a great story of inspiration and fuels us with hope. When things don’t look all that great….maybe we just don’t see the whole story.
Take some time and read the story….
http://baronbatch.blogspot.com/2011/03/diary-25-when-ripples-collide.html#comments
